


Triskaideka

by LostCauses (Anteros)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 09:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11757360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anteros/pseuds/LostCauses
Summary: A very small fic, in 13verysmall parts tracing Levi's relationship with Erwin from beginning to end to....





	1. Irritation

It starts as an irritation, a feeling Levi just can’t shake. Like a stone lodged in his boot. Pricking him into awareness when he least expects it. On the training grounds, in the mess hall, by the stables, in the showers. That blondie. It bugs the shit out of him.


	2. Erwin Smith

And then there’s the empty corridors, where Erwin Smith stops him.

“You fought well today Levi.”

“You saved a man’s life.”

“You’re a credit to the Corps.”

“Your squad owe their lives to you.”

“The men trust you Levi.”

“ _I_ trust you Levi.”

Levi frowns and grits his teeth, hating himself for the colour that flushes his face, the heat that coils low in his stomach.


	3. Ache

He’s not sure when it happened, when the irritation settled into an ache. A bone deep ache that leaves him miserable and distracted throughout the day. A hunger that has him twisting and sweating in the small hours of the night. 

Levi doesn’t know when it happened. All he knows is that he aches for him.


	4. Pain

He seeks his habitual refuge in cleaning and when that does nothing to distract him, he seeks solace in pain. Pushing himself beyond endurance in the practice ring and on the training grounds. Pushing himself until his muscles burn and his vision blurs. It’s good, clean, familiar. This kind of pain is easy. And it works. He stumbles back to the barracks insensible to everything but the pain screaming through every sinew.

It works until Erwin stops him, places one hand on his shoulder.

“Levi, you’re pushing yourself too hard. Look after yourself. Please.”

His fingers flex once, light against Levi’s shoulder, burning like a brand, a pain Levi can not endure.


	5. Longing

Levi longs for him in silence. He longs for so long that the longing becomes a part of him. He shuns it, scorns it, turns his face away from it, pushing it down into the pit of his stomach where it smoulders low. But no matter how deep he buries it, how furiously he denies it, he can not extinguish it. It kindles too fast, too willingly, flaming treacherously across his cheeks when he catches that blue gaze across a room.

Levi scowls and turns away, not knowing that he longs as he is longed for.


	6. Impossible

The first kiss is impossible, inconceivable, inevitable. Like a sudden crack appearing in the walls. But then there’s another, and another, and the crack widens, and all Levi’s walls, all his hard won defences crumble and fall. It doesn’t feel like capitulation, submission, defeat. Surrender maybe, but willing, oh so willing.

The walls fall and nothing is ever the same again.


	7. Humanity's Strongest

Levi tries not to care. This has always been his failing. All his life he has struggled not to care. He can’t help it, no matter how Kenny tried to beat it out of him.

“You’re weak Levi. A weak stupid little runt and if ya don’t toughen up you’re gonna die.”

But he can’t stop the treacherous feelings that spring up unbidden from some inexhaustible well of compassion.

No matter how hard he tries, how hard he pushes people away, they just keep coming, and they just keep dying. Humanity’s Strongest. What a joke.

Erwin sees it differently of course. 

“But don’t you see Levi? This _is_ your strength. This is _why_ you’re Humanity’s Strongest. It’s _because_ you care. Your men can see it. _I_ can see it. That’s why they follow you, that’s why they fight.”

“And you?” Levi asks, though he already knows the answer. “Why do you fight?”

“Me? I fight For Humanity,” Erwin pauses, “for the truth.”

His eyes are bright, fixed on the distance. Fixed on something Levi can not see.


	8. Breathing

Before long it becomes as natural as breathing. Erwin is the breath in his lungs, the steady beat of his heart, the strength of his body, the torsion of sinew. Erwin is his commander, his liege, his lover, his purpose. Erwin is everything.

Erwin fights For Humanity. Levi fights for Erwin.

It’s that simple really.


	9. Terrain

Levi knows every curve and contour of Erwin’s body by touch alone. He has traced every plain and valley, dip and hollow, every rise and swell. If Levi was struck blind in an instant he could still see Erwin with perfect clarity; the golden fall of his hair, the strong line of his jaw, the curve of his throat, the broad span of his chest, the cut of his hips, the blue, blue of his eyes. Levi has no words for these features, for this terrain, but he can traverse it as surely as home. His hands find their way in the darkness; to the smallest scar, the tiniest mole, the single point that will make Erwin’s breath quicken, the path that will have him begging, crying out in release. Levi’s swift sure hands fly straight to their mark. But still, even now, when his fingers meet the smooth warmth of Erwin’s skin his breath stops in his throat as if each time was the first time. As if each time was the last time.


	10. No Regrets

And then he’s gone, and it’s Levi who lets him go. It’s Levi who damns himself, who damns humanity, who damns them all. Better that than damning Erwin to return to this hell. This is Levi’s choice. Erwin gave them everything, and Levi will not give them any more. He deserves to rest. But still, it takes all Levi’s determination, all his strength, all his broken will, not to regret.


	11. Endurance

Levi is falling, endlessly falling. Weighed down by ceaseless grief.

He survives. Of course he fucking does. This is his penance, to live on after everything he lived for has gone. After Erwin has gone.

Days pass into months, months into years, and still Levi endures, hollow and waiting. Tethered by his vow, the promise he made to Erwin that day.

 _That_ day.

Levi burned to ashes that day. All that remains is a single spark, smoored under the weight of grief, waiting for the moment to ignite into incandescent anger and retribution.

Levi endures, though everything below the surface is broken.


	12. Levi

Levi’s day is a long time coming, and when it comes, when it finally comes he feels nothing but blessed relief. All the guilt, all the fear, all the grief, all the loneliness, it all just stops.

As the world fades out, it’s Kenny’s words that come back to him.

“They were all slaves to something, even him.”

And then there’s nothing but blue. _That_ blue. That peerless blue, an outstretched hand, and that familiar smile.

“You’ve done so well Levi. Rest now.”

Levi sinks into his arms, closes his eyes, and rests.


	13. Again

It starts as an irritation, a feeling Levi just can’t shake. Like a stone lodged in his boot. Pricking him into awareness when he least expects it. On the tube, in the gym, in the cafe at the corner. It bugs the shit out of him. That blondie. That feeling that he’s seen him somewhere before.


End file.
